you suck @ life.

February 15, 2009

This song & post is dedicated to a friend.
Or something like that. 

The Setup:
I feel so shitty right now. It’s not that amusing ‘hey, I feel like crap’ mood either. It’s the ‘alright if someone even LOOKS at me, it’s ON’ type of shitty feeling. I don’t know what the problem is, all I know is that I’m completely 100% done with some of the people around me. Examples and reasons for my decision are below. 

The Downfall:
I have a friend who I love dearly (most days anyway). She’s very attractive, but in my opinion, she lacks depth. Does this make me love her less? No. Does her superficiality and selfishness aggravate the shit out of me? Absolutely.  

Today is Valentines day or as I like to call it ‘Single Awareness Day’. It was planned for this friend and I to take a trip back to our old stomping grounds to kick it with our friends instead of doing absolutely nothing. I woke up early thinking that we’d leave by about 10 only to sit on my ass slightly nausous for a whole 2 hours waiting for her call. Of course it never came, so I took initiative and called her. No answer. 

I wait an hour (by this time it’s like 1:30) and call again. She answers on the last possible ring and goes into excuse mode talks about the weather being bad here (not snowing = not bad), and there (flurries = not bad). I get the sense that she doesn’t want to go anymore which bothers me, but not that much. What bothers me most is that she doesn’t just come out and say this. FYI Homie: I cannot read minds. Do not expect me too. 

Long story short; She said she’d call back and let me know. It’s now 7:15 and I haven’t heard from her. 

I hate when I rearrange my life for people and they fall short. Plans fall through the cracks of life, I get that. But please get some fucking balls and let me know what the deal is. DO NOT leave me hanging by a thread and ruin any other plans that may have come my way. That’s rude. Grow up.

The Aftermath:
Trust me, I’m not the deepest thinker in the world, nor am I the prettiest thing to look at, but damn, would it hurt to know a little bit more about life than what your credit limit is? I mean, my friend is awesome in her own right and everything, but it literally gives me headaches the shady shit she does and the immature way she acts. She’s beautiful and people naturally gravitate towards her because of her beauty. I was raised to believe that our individual beauty will definately fade and that its our foundation on the inside that matters more than anything. Because if you’re foundation is fucked up, your world is just waiting to fall.

Yea maybe this is the ugly girls mantra. Maybe this is just the shit society tells us to pacify our grumbling while the world just hands shit to those who are outwardly beautiful. Maybe I’m just being an insecure cow. Who knows. What I do know for certian, is that people don’t remember what you have on, how many designer clothes/bags you own, or what your credit limit is. People remember how you make them feel. So when a person decides to make me feel like garbage or believe that they’re up to shady deeds…I remember that shit. Trust & believe it.

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